The End With You

I’ve been listening to the same radio station all day, waiting for something new. I can’t deny when my favorite songs are being played I get really excited, but that’s not the point of my life. There’s something I’ve been looking for; the mystery of what could it be is the problem. Don’t we all have some kind of purpose? No one knows, and many just don’t care. I do, though, and waking up without knowledge of it really frustrates me. Maybe I’m just a useless person, like a huge percentage of Earth’s population –not counting the animals, they play an important part in nature–, if at least I’d be able to see my many possibilities. My job is so repetitive, I can’t barely pay my bills, and I lack of imagination to start anything by myself. Is it a person who am I looking for? I get bored real quick of my friends, how can I even think of a living human other than myself? Being alone is a gift; please, don’t try to tell me I’m wrong because I am not. The privilege of something like this, when just a bunch of people know your name or face is something difficult to gain. Try to play hero all the time, and everyone will forget everything about you within days. Oh, but don’t you dare to make one single mistake because your face will be stalled forever in someone else’s mind. So tell me how am I wrong by wanting to be alone all the time.

I got to admit, though; when the sunlight hid from us, since last year, I had met this woman, whom I’m not going to name now because it’s not important now. Everything has an end, and this ended after a few months. Allow me to explain myself before going further to that end. The sky has been clouded for some reason. Here, where I live, was not very common to get many clouds; it was always sunny and hot as hell. And now, we haven’t seen the sun in more than a year; I can’t deny it feels better like this, but it is also abnormal, and I don’t need to tell that we have more than an idiot screaming about Judgement Day. I guess this should have been expected, so I’m not angry, I just watch the news and let the world go whatever they want. We’ve just had clouds, anyways, Heaven is not falling, as far as I know.

Let’s talk about this woman, then. Her name doesn’t matter; she wasn’t very pretty but had her charm and brains. I met her a few days after the sky was covered, during a festival that was held at a college close to my house. I had nothing to do, they’ve had free food so nothing says ‘come here’ better than anything that is free. Honestly, I didn’t see anything that caught my interest; a few displays by design students stopped me for two or three minutes, and that was it. Not sure if anyone noticed my obvious lack of interest because no one tried to tell me anything about the other projects around the campus; they just passed me over. Then I saw a girl sitting by herself, eating a slice of pizza, watching our surroundings with a bored face. She seemed like me in terms of mood, I approached her. We had a long conversation, when I thought we would get bored from the first minutes. She gave me her number and I called her three days later to see if we could hang out. Honestly, I never had such fun in many years. We laughed at our jokes, we talked about a lot of different things. Our ideals are very different, but for some reason we managed to get along pretty well. Not going to waste my time telling you the obvious, we were meant to each other.

However, circumstances crossed out paths, and I’ve had to choose between my own safety and hers. Rioters started plaguing our streets as the Judgement Day comes by. Drops of water fell from the clouds, announcing heavy rain. Cultists and scared people tried to seek forgiveness; because you know, their actions are stronger than words until something they’re afraid of comes. Death or God Himself. Before that, those cultists called Christians are somewhat ‘lawful criminals’. The best ones point their fingers; the others make everything to take out the right to not believe in God. Some of them would even kill because everyone must feel the Almighty’s love.

That girl and I, we had something in common: both atheists, but we never told anyone if we weren’t asked, just to avoid any conflict. And that’s exactly what happened when that weird guy asked us if we are believers. He seemed like a nice guy who wanted to start a regular conversation about religion. I should’ve thought the situation was the worst to talk about it. We both said no, and his smile disappeared quickly. He left without a word, at first we said he must have been a weirdo… and we were right. One hour later, he came back with more followers with sticks and stones. We tried so hard to run away from them, but it looked like ignorance gave a lot of energy to their bodies.

She couldn’t run more. Even the rainy weather got us tired. I wanted to look for her, unfortunately, my life was in danger, too. I left her for the cultists to make their horrible deeds, while I watched from afar, hidden in an alley as the sticks and stones teared up her skin and crushed bones to death. The only thing I am grateful for is that her screams didn’t last long. Guess I can say she didn’t suffer much.

What made me really angry, though, is when the rain stopped. They looked up at the sky, as if it was a miracle given to those assholes for getting rid of a non-believer. They hugged each other, laughing, and taking hands thanking Him for something meant to happen from the beginning. It was only rain, not Judgement Day. As long as the clouds remain covering the sun, this is going to get worse.

Now, I didn’t get close to her body after the cultists left. I can’t deny that I made something coward. I got feelings for her, but my need for survival is bigger than any sentimentalism, and I… or we all shouldn’t be ashamed of. I just wonder if it doesn’t make me be on the same level as them. I am sorry Judgement Day really came for you.

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Listen to the Night

In the darkest hour I wished to be a part of the night ride. Only the breeze of air that goes carrying the ghosts of history around the world, watching over us, whispering silent words from meaningful events that had been ignored. Listened carefully, I’ve felt the calling of the old beasts while my last dream became a nightmare as I woke up. Tears of happiness became screams of agony; real life attacked with all its strength. No compassion from it. Needless to say, I feel weak against it, I had never been taught how to defend myself. A thousand versions of the past left me confused when I tried to follow a figure. My present is blank, and my arms don’t carry any weapon to become one figure myself.

Every night I walk the street, trying to avoid human contact as much as I can. There’s no reason to look at someone else’s eyes, and hear them say words contradicted by their souls and bodies. I’d wish I could just erase my language, every single word I know. I and my emotions would be one with Earth, and more specific, the night. After 12:00am the truth shows itself: no one is looking, you can’t be judged, and people are so drunk they can’t even lie without revealing past guilt in the process. Everything is covered by its true color, adorned with a few neon lights that try really hard to bring the lies the sun carry when it shows up.

I can’t recall my first revelation. My mind was set on friendship and family; both put a happy mask on me, just to cover what I’ve been feeling all my life. I smiled, I remember, but it was just muscle. They go away soon, no matter how they tell you how close they are. Give your best, people forget really soon, unless you make a single mistake. Family love is just a mere compromise, similar to buying something expensive and you don’t want to let it go because the you paid a lot for it but not for its meaning or usefulness. I am the only one paying attention to those ancient ghosts. I am writing some of their words in which I agree. Bodies were buried or burned to ashes, but their silent presence will remain on Earth until she decides when to stop living. When she’s had enough of human presence and start again, or just gone forever.

If something happens when my time is up, I’d like to give some advice: listen carefully at night. As foolish as this sounds, silence carries the truth of everything. I am not allowed to speak any more because spreading the word will only distort language if it’s told by us. Pay attention to the environment, don’t be afraid of darkness, and more important, learn from them; they try to warn us from what’s coming very soon, the old beasts.

Dream, Only Dream

“Hello.” you heard a voice from afar. “You’ve promised to come here.”

A high pitch voice you can’t tell if it comes from a girl or a little kid who is trying to annoy the hell out of you. Keep sleeping, the sun is kicking you already, but the bed is really comfortable. The alarm is off, I remember you are free today, aren’t you? Lucky bastard, most people are preparing themselves for their daily work while you have at least two days to rest; your bills are the only responsibility that you have. Do not worry about the world, it’s just you and these walls around you. Turn on your TV or the radio, just listen to the news you don’t give a shit about. Opportunities are everywhere but there’s no need to take them. Earning enough money to cover all your needs will suffice.

“Let’s be real.” Said someone long ago. “No one can live of dreams.”

At first, you doubted in yourself for years. Every word you said was received by laughs and sarcastic comments. And they happened to be right all along; working hard is not an option, just get the first opportunity because the easiest way to go is the best. Never risk anything and be afraid of fail. If you fail once, that means you are nothing. You’ll be no one. Human progress is synonym of employee. Remember that all successful businesses are part of some conspiracy cult, and your heart can’t carry the lives of people; so be once yourself; stay below the average life.

“Hello. Please answer me.” Again with that voice. It sounds really different, though. The time goes really fast, it will never stop. Make a choice, answer to that voice that sounds more adult now. So it was a boy and now he became a teenager, that’s really weird. How long has it been since you heard him last time? Well, don’t use your brain on irrelevant things. It’s time to think what to do about your life. Ignore everything that happens. You have always done that and now it’s time to give another step. Stop saying excuses. It’s funny to remember when the first excuses came to avoid school and work for a day or two. Your case is really different, putting excuses to not do the things you dreamed all your life. Wanted independence, you got it but now you can’t do it because you’re tired, and you work really hard, it’s understandable. But you never feel tired when your hobbies came, right?

Your path has been written already. Keep dreaming all your life, that’s all you can do; a person with no will is going to be forgotten in no time. Feel good because you won’t fail at anything or receive any humiliation. No one will know anything about you. Keep dreaming, never answer to that voice that long ago had a dream that wanted to become reality.

Keep dreaming, but only dreaming.