Listen to the Night

In the darkest hour I wished to be a part of the night ride. Only the breeze of air that goes carrying the ghosts of history around the world, watching over us, whispering silent words from meaningful events that had been ignored. Listened carefully, I’ve felt the calling of the old beasts while my last dream became a nightmare as I woke up. Tears of happiness became screams of agony; real life attacked with all its strength. No compassion from it. Needless to say, I feel weak against it, I had never been taught how to defend myself. A thousand versions of the past left me confused when I tried to follow a figure. My present is blank, and my arms don’t carry any weapon to become one figure myself.

Every night I walk the street, trying to avoid human contact as much as I can. There’s no reason to look at someone else’s eyes, and hear them say words contradicted by their souls and bodies. I’d wish I could just erase my language, every single word I know. I and my emotions would be one with Earth, and more specific, the night. After 12:00am the truth shows itself: no one is looking, you can’t be judged, and people are so drunk they can’t even lie without revealing past guilt in the process. Everything is covered by its true color, adorned with a few neon lights that try really hard to bring the lies the sun carry when it shows up.

I can’t recall my first revelation. My mind was set on friendship and family; both put a happy mask on me, just to cover what I’ve been feeling all my life. I smiled, I remember, but it was just muscle. They go away soon, no matter how they tell you how close they are. Give your best, people forget really soon, unless you make a single mistake. Family love is just a mere compromise, similar to buying something expensive and you don’t want to let it go because the you paid a lot for it but not for its meaning or usefulness. I am the only one paying attention to those ancient ghosts. I am writing some of their words in which I agree. Bodies were buried or burned to ashes, but their silent presence will remain on Earth until she decides when to stop living. When she’s had enough of human presence and start again, or just gone forever.

If something happens when my time is up, I’d like to give some advice: listen carefully at night. As foolish as this sounds, silence carries the truth of everything. I am not allowed to speak any more because spreading the word will only distort language if it’s told by us. Pay attention to the environment, don’t be afraid of darkness, and more important, learn from them; they try to warn us from what’s coming very soon, the old beasts.

Let’s Talk About Me

Give me a couple of minutes to talk about me. I don’t think this is my last post about myself, but bear with me and you’ll notice that, like you, I am a human being too. My weirdness comes from many places; many worlds scattered within different parallel universes that belong to a certain individual I call…

Just forgot, I just wanted to talk about me, and I’m still wasting our times thinking about fiction and fantasy. Long story short, everything comes from books I’ve read, video games I’ve played, and shapes in the sky and dirt. Maybe this is not weird at all, many people probably do that but they don’t want to admit it. Society doesn’t want weird people in the end. Society only wants you to obey and follow rules that weren’t even written in laws. Dress like this, do that and kneel down before a company until you retire. I’m not here to judge, we all need jobs to pay our bills, right? Then, they say we bite the hand that feeds us if we complain just a bit, but from my point of view, we employees feed the company. You may correct me if I am wrong if you please.

Nice, I talked about me a little. However, there’s more I need… want to tell you: my name is Jesus, just like this page says. Nice to meet you all. I started this blog just for fun and tell some stories and random stuff that had been stuck in my head for a while. For now, I don’t have the resources to make illustrations for each story, and drawing is not one of my talents. Also, I remember that a few years ago, I had a blog in Spanish, my native language. Now that I am a student in the United States of America, I decided to start all over again; try to do everything and learn English in so many ways. It’s just my second year, and I still suffer when I try to communicate with non-Spanish speakers, and it gets worse when I get nervous for any reason. Put me in front of a class or a bunch of people if you want me to die scared. This is the funny part, though, I’m majoring music, fall ’15 is my second semester and obviously I’ll have to play in front of people. With an extra push and many eyes forcing me to do it, I am going to overcome that fear. In the meantime, some of my classmates may laugh, and that’ll be okay. A new experience to be added in my invisible diary.

This is short, and that’s all I wanted to talk about for now. I may not make any sense, combining different topics in some post called” Let’s Talk About Me”. Don’t judge me, I just wanted to introduce myself to you, person who found my blog and took a few minutes to read my stuff. I thank you, kindly.

I don’t know, like I’ve said, this is just and introduction. Other day I might tell you another uninteresting fact.

Dream, Only Dream

“Hello.” you heard a voice from afar. “You’ve promised to come here.”

A high pitch voice you can’t tell if it comes from a girl or a little kid who is trying to annoy the hell out of you. Keep sleeping, the sun is kicking you already, but the bed is really comfortable. The alarm is off, I remember you are free today, aren’t you? Lucky bastard, most people are preparing themselves for their daily work while you have at least two days to rest; your bills are the only responsibility that you have. Do not worry about the world, it’s just you and these walls around you. Turn on your TV or the radio, just listen to the news you don’t give a shit about. Opportunities are everywhere but there’s no need to take them. Earning enough money to cover all your needs will suffice.

“Let’s be real.” Said someone long ago. “No one can live of dreams.”

At first, you doubted in yourself for years. Every word you said was received by laughs and sarcastic comments. And they happened to be right all along; working hard is not an option, just get the first opportunity because the easiest way to go is the best. Never risk anything and be afraid of fail. If you fail once, that means you are nothing. You’ll be no one. Human progress is synonym of employee. Remember that all successful businesses are part of some conspiracy cult, and your heart can’t carry the lives of people; so be once yourself; stay below the average life.

“Hello. Please answer me.” Again with that voice. It sounds really different, though. The time goes really fast, it will never stop. Make a choice, answer to that voice that sounds more adult now. So it was a boy and now he became a teenager, that’s really weird. How long has it been since you heard him last time? Well, don’t use your brain on irrelevant things. It’s time to think what to do about your life. Ignore everything that happens. You have always done that and now it’s time to give another step. Stop saying excuses. It’s funny to remember when the first excuses came to avoid school and work for a day or two. Your case is really different, putting excuses to not do the things you dreamed all your life. Wanted independence, you got it but now you can’t do it because you’re tired, and you work really hard, it’s understandable. But you never feel tired when your hobbies came, right?

Your path has been written already. Keep dreaming all your life, that’s all you can do; a person with no will is going to be forgotten in no time. Feel good because you won’t fail at anything or receive any humiliation. No one will know anything about you. Keep dreaming, never answer to that voice that long ago had a dream that wanted to become reality.

Keep dreaming, but only dreaming.

A Purpose in Life

Many people, after all these years wondering about life. All the time wasted trying to find a book or a sheet where our purpose in life is supposedly written. It’s the time, days, weeks, months, and years of just wondering what’s going to happen with all of us, or what are we supposed to do, instead of start writing that very purpose from scratch. Let’s pay attention to our surroundings; what are we doing now, and why there are many options to get to one place or another. Try to get a coffee, the most delicious one you want; you’re not going to a coffee shop near your house, you’ll probably go somewhere else to get it. How about a career? Is anyone pushing your way through something you are destined to do your whole life? Maybe your parents but remember they came from a time when most people were just a bunch of fuck retards. They may love you, yes, but it doesn’t mean their stupidity couldn’t lead you to failure and complete unhappiness.

Heaven, it’s a word that we always hear every time people feel down. I guess many really need to believe there’s something beyond death to find consolation. You didn’t do anything in life; you might do something when the “final judgment” arrives. Nice thoughts, my tears will be unstoppable from now on. I pity you. That’s your choice, however. Feel good because something’s waiting for you out there. Stop living your life, there’s no point. Start crossing the street without any care of yourself. Your destiny has been written already, isn’t? Why are you so afraid of walking by the streets alone at 12:00am? Nothing is going to happen that is not already written. Maybe there’s a page about someone that’s going to find the love of his or her life in a dark alley. Who knows?

As for me, I don’t think there’s a book already written with our fate. It’s up to each person to start writing their pages. Just like a diary works, but in real life. Your acts along the way will define where you are heading to. And your decisions will also affect, even if you just thought that you’d get away with anything without being noticed by your own ways. Is it there something that is already written? Maybe death is something you are destined to. But also death is not something that has been written; you don’t know the way it’s going to come. A cycle of life, and that’s it. A disappointment should come by expecting a gray bearded old man waiting up above with arms wide open. Kind of weird when that entity has been described a lot like a ruthless asshole. However, people seem to like being treated as idiots. That’s fine to me unless they try to come with a sign of “love” and their loud words that are overshadowed by their actions. How hypocrite of them. Not very surprising, though. The only thing I’m always wondering, and I am sure I’ll die the same way, is that why they lie themselves? If there is a freewill, why they still think as if they don’t have any choices?

A book of life; an instruction book that we can never find. That’s what I always hear around me. Is there any real purpose in life? Life would be much easier, but it would not be worth living. What a waste of time living if everything has been already decided. Let’s see, if I yell “fuck you, God” he’d come as a little girl to overwrite his own pages? But that was also a part of something he wrote, doesn’t it? I guess I won’t find any answer until the day I face Him, or just disappear from this world into nothingness.